8 ways not to make a fool of yourself on an internet forum

We all know you’re not supposed to swear, be obscene, break the law, or give out personal information. But what about everything else? Whether it’s a Bristol City fan site, Mumsnet, or DIY advice group, chat forums have plenty of informal, invisible rules alongside the formal ones.

Here are some chat forum dos and don’ts from one who’s been there and got the cyberslap marks to prove it.

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1. DO make your initial ‘introductory’ message low-key and to-the-point. Kind of: “Hi, I’m new here. Just wondered…. if anyone knows about supporter coaches for the Millwall game/if my husband’s having an affair/why my combi boiler keeps spewing black smoke. Ta.” Because if you’re too friendly and full-on, too “whoo hoo, I’m heeeerrre, someone put the virtual kettle on!” you’ll come across sad and desperate.

And if there’s one thing chat forum users – with all that free time unencumbered by friends, lovers, jobs etc that they spend typing unpunctuated ‘sentences’ into a computer for total strangers to skimread – they are definitely not sad or desperate. Got that?

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2. DO pop up a few times in the first few days to reinforce your presence. It’ll take approximately seven posts before you’re one of Them.

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3. DO be careful when pm-ing (private messaging). Sometimes posts go through the moderator before they go to the person you want. Avoid embarrassment by check the forum’s system before you hit send.

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4. DO have a interesting avatar. Get your face on the cover of Vogue or Esquire here: www.photofunia.com. Turn yourself into a cool Mad Men character here: www.amctv.com/originals/madmen/madmenyourself. And if you’re 12 and say “lush” a lot go to: www.planetcreation.co.uk/createpic/

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5. DON’T Get in a huff – or double post – because no one has replied to your comment in the two hours since you posted it or because an impassioned thread seems to be racing ahead and paying no heed to the brilliant point you made thirteen posts ago. You may not have earned oratorial rights yet – while acceptance can be quick, it can take months before people actually sit up and listen to you. Or you may just be dull. Either way, whatever. They’re only ‘virtual’ friends, remember?

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6. DON’T let personal stuff get in the way of the forum’s chief purpose. In fact it’s probably best to resist any temptation to take things offline – Christmas cards, fortieths, becoming godparent to someone’s child – harmless though it may seem at first. Nothing kills an online community faster than two members meeting face-to-face and realizing they don’t like the cut of each other’s jib. What may start as an online debate about the best way to bleed a radiator then becomes a flame war about how NancyDrew241 wasn’t supportive enough of AngryFromMansfield in the Homebase/B&Q debate. NB: experience suggests this may be more prevalent in heavily female forums.

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7. DON’T use the forum to promote your small homeopathy practice, Dordogne holiday let or hilarious new iPhone App. Talk about vulgar! There might be a special classifieds section where you can do that. Ask the moderator – or expect to find yourself locked out.

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8. DON’T forget to thank people for their time and advice. You could even use a smiley. They’re not as annoying as people say. [note to self: check this is true]

Chic Geek – Guest Blogger

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